But does he suck Ollie ?   vs.   Dracula
Part II


"This isn't fair!"  Victoria frumped, as she puffed the pillows.  "How come Melanie gets a bedroom to herself?"
"Mrmumphhh mumphur mumph,"  Emma explained, her mouth full of cake.
"Just shurrup and come to bed!"  Mel's muffled voice came out from where she cowered beneath the bedclothes.
"Bloody hell!"  snorted Victoria.  "What are you doing?  Trying to make up for Melanie not being here?  Should I wear two pairs of knickers and keep my bra on?"
"Just come to bed!  I don't like it in here by myself!"
"Muphumuh muurph mumum,"  Emma clarified.  "Mumphum murumuph muphmuph cake.  Tee hee!"
Victoria held up one of the sheer nightdresses Boris had issued them with.
"I don't go much on this,"  she said, wrinkling her nose.
"Mumphip umumph see-through?"  asked Emma.
"No,"  Victoria replied, looking at the grain of her fingerprints through five folds of the nightdress.  "It's just see-through enough; but has anyone got a pair of scissors, so I can take three feet off the length?"
"I'll bet Melanie hates it,"  Mel's muffled voice floated through the blankets.  "If she wears something like that, everyone can tell she's a girl!"
"Only muph smuffle umphumph bottom half!"  sneered Emma.
"We ought to go and see she's alright, really,"  said Victoria.  "You know she can never sleep unless she's got one of us to snuggle up to."
"Yeah.  It's a pain in the arse,"  agreed Mel.
"Mmmm.  It gets on David's nerves too, sometimes."
"Mururumph urmurumph her room?"  asked Emma.
"Yeah, let's,"  said Victoria.  "We don't want her waking up in a bad temper."
"You can go if you like,"  Mel barked from her hiding-place.  "I'm staying in here, where it's safe!"
"Ok,"  Victoria opened the bedroom door a crack and peeked out.  "Bugger!"
"Whumph umph?"  asked Emma.
"It's that Igor bloke,"  Victoria told her, whispering.  "He's just outside in a chair.  Looks like he's there for the night.  He's got a pile of dirty books with him."
"Umphrumph umph the other door?"  suggested Emma.
Victoria crept across the room and peeped through the other door.
"Yeah, it's all clear, this way,"  she hissed.  "Let's go.  Bring a candle."
"Why?"  asked Emma, swallowing the last of the cake.  "She's bound to have her own; and if not, she always carries...."
"Because it's dark, Dimbo!"
"Oh,"  Emma followed her from the room.

A minute passed....

Another minute passed....

Then, just as it seemed that nothing was going to happen....

...Another minute passed!

Another minute passed slowly past....

Thousands of miles away, across the ocean in London, the Monty Python legal team sharpened their pencils; ready to take out a new lawsuit....
But, before they could write: 'Injunction'....

Mel's head suddenly appeared from under the blankets.
"'Ere, 'ang on!"  she exclaimed.  "You're not leaving me 'ere on my own!"
She hurriedly clambered from the bed, and rushed through the door after the other Girls.


"Everything alright, Iggy?"  Boris asked, aproaching the hunchback who was guarding the Girls' door.
"YesYes!"  was the eager reply.  "Food for Master is resting!  Food must be healthy and strong!"
"Fine, Iggy, fine.  Scream it out a little louder, why don't you?.  I don't think the police over in China heard you."
Boris pressed an ornamental knob on the wall; and a hidden door opened, revealing a secret corridor.
"You should stop reading those things, you know,"  he said, pointing at Igor's magazines.  "You'll go blind."
"Igor like looking at food!  Igor like looking at virgins!"
"You'll find precious few virgins in there!"  Boris laughed.  "Mind you, who'd have thought we'd have one come right to our door?  The Master was well pleased!  He's even told me to repaint one of the old puppets!"
"Master make new puppet?"  Igor's eyes brightened.  "Igor like Master's puppets!  Master happy, Igor happy!"
"Ok.  Keep it down for a sec, while I check what the other three are up to."
He quietly lifted up a small flap on the wall.
Inside the Girls' room, had there been anyone there to notice, anyone there to notice would have noticed that the eyes in one of the paintings had changed colour.  But there was no-one there to notice, so no-one there noticed.
The eyes did notice, however, that there was no-one there to notice that the eyes noticed that there was no-one there to notice the eyes noticing that there was no-one....

...A thousand words later....
"Iggy, you idiot!"  Boris shouted, emerging from the corridor, where they had been his eyes that had noticed that there was no-one there to notice his eyes noticing....

(Go get yourselves coffee -- I'll be done with this by the time you get back)

"Why you shout at Igor?"  Igor sniffled.
"Why?"  stormed Boris.  "Because they're Gone, you stupid...."  Words failed him.
"Gone?  Food gone?  No!  Food resting!  Food must be healthy for Master!"
"Oh, come on!"  Boris hurried down the great stairs.  "We'd better find them, before they hurt themselves!"

A virgin!
The Master could taste its spoor on his skin, as he flowed toward its bedroom door.
Not just a virgin!  The flavour was unmistakable.  It was in prime condition, and ready for breeding.  Boris had excelled himself.  He would be allowed to serve a little longer.
To breed!
It was something the Master had carefully avoided, through the course of his long life; something he had thought he would never need.  The costs were high, and he had never before been willing to countenance them.
But the world had evolved around him.
The food animals had evolved along with it.
They had developed intellect and powers that threatened to rival even his own.
They had moved forward; growing stronger with every pace taken; whilst he had stood still; watching helplessly as the balance changed.
Fiery anger filled him at the thought of that helplessness.
If he could not advance as they had advanced, his dominance would end, and the beasts would rule.
As things were, there was no way for him to stem the tide.  He needed to evolve, as they had evolved.
There was only one way to make such advancement; even for an immortal such as he.
It was time.
No matter the cost to himself, he would breed with the creature; and leave their spawn his heritage of the future of the world.
He breathed on the door, and it opened to him.
The food beast was sitting on the bed, shaking a small black cylinder, which buzzed intermittently.
"Bugger!"  it said to itself.  "After I splashed out on new batteries, too!"
The Master allowed himself to be seen by human eyes.  The food beast looked up at him.
"Oh, hello."  it said, hurriedly thrusting the black object behind its pillows.  "Who are you?"
"My name?"  the Master replied.  "My name is unimportant.  May I enter?"
"Ok."  the food beast replied, brightly.  "I'm a bit bored, here on my own.  We can have a chat."
"My thanks."  The master entered the room.
The door closed itself, behind him.
"Where the bloody hell are we?"  sighed Victoria.  "I'm sure we've been down this hallway before!"
"Twice,"  confirmed Emma.
"Twice?"  blustered Victoria.  "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Oh, sorry,"  said Emma.  "I thought you fancied a stroll; and I wanted to work off some of the cake, so I could have some of Melanie's when we get there.  She never eats all of hers."
"So we're lost, in other words!"  Victoria huffed.  "Thanks, Emma!"
"Hey, don't blame me!"  Emma protested.  "You were leading the way!"
"Never mind that!  Which way do we go now?"
Emma looked around.
"Why don't we try that really spooky-looking narrow stairway?"  she asked.  "It's sure to lead somewhere nice."
Victoria walked oved and looked down the dank, dark, slimy-walled stairway.
"Fair enough,"  she said.  "But this time, you go in front."
Candles flickering, they descended into the bowels of the castle.

"Oo-er,"  said Mel, trying to see where she was going in the pitch darkness.  "I think I've gone the wrong way."
She stepped hesitantly forward, feeling her hands along the wall....
"...EEP!"  she screamed, as the floor opened beneath her feet....
She fell, sliding, tumbling and swearing for several seconds; finally coming to rest with a crunch on top of a pile of ancient, dry bones.
"Oh, that's just fookin' great, innit?"  she growled.  "Now I'm really fookin' lost!"
She could see almost nothing, in the darkness; but she felt eyes on her.
She automatically thrust out her chest -- in case any of the onlookers had cameras with them.
...Then she heard the noise....
Tiny squinnying sounds, building in volume....
She strained to hear where they were coming from....
...All around her!
The sound was all around her!
Panting like she does when pretending to enjoy the 'company' of record-label and TV executives, she scrambled to the top of the pile of bones....
A small chink of light was all she could see by....
There were Eyes!
Tiny eyes....
"Rats!"  she gasped.
Millions of rats!

They were slowly overcoming their fear at her sudden arrival, and moving like a shadowy wave, closer and closer....

Running With Sticks 1999

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