The fact that I have no memory means that I cannot often perform Recitations, like the one below, without either written notes or idiot boards. Thankfully, no-one seems to mind.
I like to do this one in a North Yorkshire accent, as a form of tribute to that most wonderful and talented of Recitation artists, Stanley Holloway; but I often do it Mancunian voice.
Non-British readers will know Stanley Holloway only as the father of Eliza Doolittle, in My Fair Lady ("I'm getting married in the morning" in a London accent -- go figure); which vehicle gave him piteously little scope to demonstrate his incredible talent and irresistible wit.
I have had numerous requests -- mainly from Americans who won't know the accent, anyway -- to do a phonetic version of the piece; Click Here to view it
Glossary: Guildhall = City Hall Loo = Toilet Shite = Figure it out!
The Perfect Wedding
I got lost on the way to the churchyard
I finally found a policeman
He sent me off down past the railway
It was dark
My left shoe didn't want to come with me
...When my stomach was finally empty
So I yelled and I screamed and I hollered
I couldn't tell what the sound had been made by
Or South-West or North-east, how should I know?
And then, at the end of the tunnel
So I ran and I splashed and I gambolled
When I reached it, I stopped in amazement
A big door on the left would not open
Two men in strange suits came behind me
I asked what the hell they were doing
Then their boss, he came down with some papers
If I told anyone what had happened
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