Horace's Big Adventure
 

  Hello. My name is Horace.

A big-cheese-monkey-thing called Mark has asked me to tell you about something fun that I did recently, so I suppose I shall have to.  He can be dreadfully dreadful when people don't do what he wants.
What happened was a little scary at the time; but the most interesting stories are always like that.  I hope you won't find it too worrying.  Not many scary things happen around here, which makes the scary things even scarier, when they do happen.
I don't like scariness, myself.
I like the flaky stuff that the monkey-things drop onto the top of the sky, above me.
  
I've often wondered why the monkey-things do that - drop the flaky stuff onto the sky, that is.

It can't be because they want to be nice - monkey-things are never nice; even to other monkey-things.

I think that's quite sad for them.Maybe if they learned to enjoy the important things, they would learn to be nicer, too.
Peanut butter sandwiches.  Those are really important. I always feel that the world is a nicer place, when I've got a peanut butter sandwich to nibble at.
 
The scary thing all started when I met Bertie. 
That's him over on the left, or maybe that's the right - I've decided that left and right don't matter very much, if you're a goldfish.  When people ask me if I'm left or right-handed, I just give them a look; if you know what I mean.
 
Bertie was ever so nice, and we soon became firm friends.
Such fun we had.
He wasn't very good at crosswords, and he didn't much like peanut butter sandwiches; but I think that if everyone were the same, and liked all the same things, then life would be very boring.
I mean, if you knew that everyone you met was going to be exactly like you, then you might as well not bother meeting them, mightn't you?  You might as well live in a cage, or in a glass bowl, or something like that; and that would be a horrible way to live.

Anyway, Bertie liked to do adventurous and exciting things.  He would run up and down the living room; he would snuffle under the sofa - which is really dangerous (SPIDERS!); and he would bounce up and down on the chairs - waiting until the last second to run and hide, when one of the monkey-things came in.
  
So one day, Bertie asked me if I wanted to go with him on one of his adventures.
I was quite excited by the idea, and rushed to my wardrobe (it's behind the fourth strand of kelp) to get my adventurers' outfit.
Bertie was very impressed by my outfit, and I had to promise to buy him one next time I went down to the shops.  That won't be soon, though. I don't get out so much since I lost my driving license (for using incorrect hand signals).
We were soon away; off on our adventure into the unknown.

It was a lovely day.  The sun was shining, and there was not a sign of clouds - we couldn't see any from the living room, anyway.  Bertie suggested that we open the curtains, but his tail got all tangled up in the cords, so we ran away.

 

Bertie said that we shoud investigate.   I wasn't sure what 'investigate' meant.  
         
    But I thought it was a good idea, anyway So I agreed.
  We decided to see what was upstairs.      
    I didn't know where 'upstairs' was, but Bertie did.    
  So I said it was a good idea.      
        To get upstairs
     

And ages...

  
   

And ages...

    
 

It took ages
and ages...

      
         
   

And when we got there...

  
 

All the doors were locked

...Except one.
         
So we went in to have a look.        
 

We found this really strange thing.

I thought it was a Spider, at first.

  
   

But spiders have got sixty-twelve legs, so it couldn't have been.

    
         
  We ran away, anyway...     ...Just to be sure
         

Bertie was quite upset, because he couldnt tell exactly where we were.

  
         
   

Then we heard the front door open...

...And a monkey-thing's footsteps coming up the stairs...

    
         
   

So we hid under the chest-of-drawers

  
         
    

  

  

  
 

"Eyoop!  Worra yeu pare deuinghoonda theyer?"

  
    

  

  
     
     
  I was ever so scared, at first; and our adventure had to come to an end; but the monkey-thing (her name was Melheebeegeebie, or Peaches, or something - I know it started with an 'S') turned out to be ever so nice, and we soon became firm friends.

Such fun we had!

She was really good at cookerying, too; and introduced me to lots of new types of sandwiches - not just peanut butter.

My favourites were the bacon ones.

I never saw Bertie again, though.
He must have found another adventure to go off on.

I hope he's having fun.

I really liked him.

 

Horace's Mystery Tour
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