My cat died,
And it wasn’t my fault.
I’d strangled its brother,
But it managed to bolt.

Thought I had a good grip,
He was gone in a blur;
I was left like a prat,
With a handful of fur.

Mummy told me long ago
That I should get a hobby,
But now my fun has been denied
By that rotten mangy moggy.

Oh, I microwaved my hamster.
I impaled my guinea pig.
When left in boiling water,
Mousy wrinkled like a fig.

Four and twenty goldfish
I baked in a tart.
My gerbils came up fluffy,
When I ran the cuisinart.

My fire salamander
Lived up to its name,
When I tossed on a match,
After dousing with butane.

I fed my pet iguana
A very nasty pill,
And I’ve solid proof a tortoise shell
Can’t stop a power drill.

But my small satisfaction
Has been brought to a halt,

For my cat died,

And it wasn’t my fault.