This is more of an in-joke for club members, but I'm in a pisser of a mood – with too many deadlines about to be missed – so I decided to take a bit of R&R by handing out a good unrestrained flame to a foul-mouthed little cow of a Spice lover, just to cheer myself up!
vs. Flaming Katie!
Picture, if you will, a normal street in a normal city in a normal country on a normal planet.
The Katie Zone!
The little girl walked happily down the sunny street, looking in the store windows.
"SHIT FUCK ASSHOLE GOOD FUCKEN SHIT IN THESE ASSHOLE FUCKEN SHOPS!" she commented, gaily.
In a side street between two of the stores, he lurked.
Under his arm was a bag full of pornographic literature involving children.
He considered himself a hunter, and he had seen his prey.
He watched the girl. His lips were trembling with anticipation. A string of yellow drool was dripping through his blackened teeth and down his chin, as she approached.
"Hey, kid!" he hissed, as she reached the alley. "In here! I've got somethin' to show ya!"
"WHATCHA FUCKEN GOT, YA SHIT-FACED ASSWIPE FUCKEN HOMO?" Katie bantered merrily, as she skipped daintily (well, daintily for such a fat kid, anyway) into the alley.
"Do you know the differences between boys and girls, little girl?" the 'hunter' asked, breathing heavily.
"FUCKEN SURE I FUCKEN DO, YA ASSWIPE FUCKEN SHIT-FACE HOMO!" Katie smiled. "YA FUCKEN WANT I SHOULD SUCK YER FUCKEN COCK, ASSHOLE? MY FUCKEN ASSWIPE BRUDDERS SHOWED ME HOW TA FUCKEN DO IT, AN' I'M FUCKEN GOOD!"
Terror struck into the heart of the 'hunter'. Dropping his bag of dirty books, he turned and ran, jabbering all the way.
"FUCKEN HOMO!" Katie commented; and she resumed her stroll.
A little further along the road, a group of girls was coming out of an hotel.
"I don't get it," said Melanie. "What are we supposed to be doing, again?"
"God, you're so thick, sometimes!" Victoria informed her. She pointed down the street. "See that corner, over there? Well, just around that corner is the reader's favourite SGDVD story."
"So all we have to do," Mel Heebiegeebie added, "is walk around there, and we'll be in that story, right?"
"That's right," Victoria agreed. "What's so hard to understand?"
"What I don't understand..." Emma pouted, "... is why we can't stop at the cake shop first! It's on the way!"
"Don't you think your arse is fat enough already?" Melanie sneered. "What do you need cakes for?"
"I'll give you 'fat arse', you bloody beanpole!" Emma snapped back. "I'll...."
"FUCKEN ACE FUCKEN EPIC FUCKEN YOU'RE THE FUCKEN SPICE GIRLS!" the little fat kid said, interrupting Emma's train of thought. "I'M YOUR FUCKEN BIGGEST FAN!"
The Girls looked at her, disgusted.
"Do you have to use that kind of language?" Melanie grimaced.
"Yeah, that's no way for a little girl to talk," agreed Emma.
"WHATT'RE YOU, FUCKEN HOMOS?" Katie enquired. "I FUCKEN SMARTER THAN FUCKEN EVERBODY, SO I FUCKEN TALK RIGHT AN' ALLA THE FUCKEN ASSWIPE HOMOS FUCKEN TALK WRONG!"
She took hold of Mel Heebiegeebie's hand. Mel snatched it away.
"Don't touch!" she barked; and she shoved the foul-mouthed fan away.
Katie stumbled out into the road, where a speeding number 37 bus conveniently ploughed into her, squashing her flat between her chest and her thighs.
"FUCKEN OUCH!" she complained. "THAT FUCKEN SMARTS!"
"Oo-er!" said Mel Heebiegeebie. "Do you think I'll get into trouble for this?"
Melanie walked over to the flattened fatty.
"She's still alive!" she announced. "Should we get her some help?"
"FUCKEN RIGHT YOU SHOULD FUCKEN GET ME SOME FUCKEN HELP, YA FUCKEN ASSWIPE FUCKEN HOMO!" Katie moaned, miserably.
"Don't call me a Homo!" Melanie stamped on Katie's head, punctuating her words.
"Bit touchy today, aren't we?" Mel asked her.
"Oh, well that's really put the icing on the cake!" Victoria snapped.
"Cake?" Emma gave up trying to remember what she had been saying, at the sound of the word.
"Oh, shut up, Emma!" Victoria hissed.
A truckload of nuclear waste finished off the job of steamrolling Katie's prostrate form.
"We'd better get out of here, quick!" said Melanie; and they hurried around the corner to the story, arguing and bitching all the way.
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck....." said the bloody mess in the road.
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