The Story So Far:
The eponymous hero of our tale came from an unhappy upbringing.
His parents were not the best-matched couple, and had only tied the knot when they found out that his mother was pregnant.
His father was in the Royal Navy – a lanyard on a midshipman's pocket knife – and was away from home for most of the year.
When his father finally received his commission, and was promoted to hawser, he abandoned his family altogether, taking up a new life with the cord from a grass skirt on some tropical isle.
His mother, to make ends meet, took on all manner of demeaning jobs – as part of a mop-head in a cleaning crew; holding back tourists in an art museum; dental floss; and ultimately working as a stripper.
But it took a heavy toll on her.  Every time she returned from the strip-club, she seemed thinner, by at least a thread.
Despite this, Our Hero graduated from Lancaster University with a degree in Sociology, and set out into the world to try and make it a better place.
The best of intentions, however, are not always enough.
After being twisted out of his life savings by an unscrupulous pipe-cleaner, he was forced to take a lowly job in the fashion industry; where he soon learned to hate all things artificial – like nylon, polyester, and pop music.
The final straw came when he was contracted out as part of a team making up a string vest, which was then bought by a member of the most artificial of all artificial pop groups.
After being discarded by said member, he vowed to bring an end to all plastic music.
Partial success was achieved with the conversion to dog food of Not-in-the-Least-Bit-Posh Spice, but the road ahead of him was long, and winding.

His epic saga continues shortly – but first we must witness...

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"Tee hee!"  said Emma, bringing the meeting to order.
Britney and the Braindead One responded instantly and diligently by respectively going off for a pee, and switching on the TV.
"Duh?"  said Emma.
"Shit man, I is sorrys,"  the Braindead One apologised.  "But is was times for Tubbie-Tubbies.  I does did never misses it."
"Beh,"  said Emma.
"Get those bleedin' 'ands away from me!"  Mel's voice screeched from the bathroom.
Britney exited the bathroom at double-quick time, looking as if a wasp had found its way up her skirt.
"Sheesh!"  she muttered.  "I was only trying to do her a favour!"
"Eyyoh!"  said Tinky-Winky, from the TV.
"Shit man, Eyyoh!"  said the Braindead One.
"Oooh!  Teletubbies!"  said Britney.  "My favourites!  Eyyoh, Tinky-Winky!"
"Tee Hee!"  said Emma.
"Eyyoh!"  said Dipsy.
"Shit man, Eyyoh!"  said the Braindead One.
"Duh!"  said Emma.
"Eyyoh!"  said Britney.
"Eyyoh!"  said La-La.
"Shit man, Eyyoh!"  said the Braindead One.
"Eyyoh!"  said Britney.
"Beh!"  said Emma.
"Eyyoh!"  said Po.
"Tee Hee!"  said Emma.
"Eyyoh!"  said Britney.
"Shit man, Eyyoh!"  said the Braindead One.
The introductions over, the meeting commenced.
"OoooOOOoooh!"  said Po.
"Shit man, yeah,"  agreed the Braindead One.  "Is was bad that everyone deadsies."
"WHEEEEEEE!"  Said Dipsy.
"That's right,"  said Britney.  "It was a heck of an explosion.  Nearly burned our asses off!"
"Oh-oh!"  said Tinky-Winky.
"Sorry."  Britney; chastened.  "Nearly burned our behinds off."
"Tee Hee!"  said Emma.
The Tubbies started dancing together to a piece of bland music.
"Yeah!"  exclaimed Britney.  "Great idea, Guys!"
"Shit, man!"  agreed the Braindead One.  "Cleverclever ideasies!  We is was luckies that tubbie-tubbies was is on!"
"Tee Hee!"  agreed Emma, making it unanimous.
With the basic plan of action decided upon, they moved on to working out the details.  Before they could get underway, however, there came a knock at the door.
Po did a little solo dance.
"Silly Po!"  grinned Britney.  "You can't answer the door, you're only on TV!"
"Tee Hee!"  said Emma; and she danced over telly-tubbie style to see who was at the door.
"Um.  Hello.  Um.  You're, um...  The blonde one, right?"  asked David.  "Is, um...  You know...  Um...   Dark hair...  Um...  You know...  Um...  The one I'm screwing...  Is she, um, here?"
"Uh-oh!"  said La-La.
"Shit, man,"  said the Braindead One.  "Vickitoriaria is was deadsies!"
"Deadsies?"  queried David, sitting at the meeting table with a shocked expression on his face.  "Um...  So...  Um...  So who am I screwing now?"
"Hi, Sugar!"  said Britney, slowly sliding under the table, with a huge grin on her face.
"Beh!"  snorted Emma.
Britney vanished from sight, and a few seconds later a massive smile suddenly spread across David's face.
"Nnngahhh!"  he said.
"Shit man, I is does don't understand.  What is you does sayings?"
"Urrrrrrrrrrrr!"  gasped David.
Oh, shit man, I seeses!  Is was costumeses we needses!"
"Beh?"  queried Emma.
"MmmMMmmmmMh Mmmm,"  Britney added, from under the table.
"Coooo!"  cooed Emma, as the penny dropped.
"Mmm mmm?" Asked Britney.
"Shit man, yeah!"  the Braindead One confirmed.  "We is does do did done it!" We has is saveds the dayses!"
"Actually,"  said Emma.  "There are one or two possibly erroneous assumptions inherent in the tertiary elements of the overall strategy which may render it unworkable; at least in part; and it may be advantageous to reassess those aspects of the plan before committing ourselves to it in totality."
"Beh?"  said the Braindead One.
"Mmm?"  said Britney, from under the table.
"Duhhhhhhhh!"  gasped David.
"Uh-oh"  said Po.
"Shit, man!"  said Emma, giggling.
"Tee Hee!"  grinned the Braindead One.  "I is does did Thoughts you was is jokings!"
The TellyTubbies jumped about victoriously, bumping bellies with each other.
Emma and the Braindead One rushed out of the suite, to carry out their part of the plan.

 
So...
The decisions have been made!
Will the Minds' plan work?
Will the Girls be allowed to keep the money they were paid for the gig?
Will Our Hero be able to continue along the road to his revenge?
Um...  What exactly were the decisions they made?
Does anyone care?

 
Continued....