Ok, today we shall be looking at how to buy Delft pottery, and how to make a broodje kaas -- but I'll be using an American accent to do it...

Oh, all right!
I'll behave...

Do you want to know how to say things in Dutch, instead?
There is a remarkably large number of English words which sound and mean the same as their Dutch counterparts; but I'm not going to bother with them today, because there is also a lot of Dutch words which sound like completely different English words!
I want to *play*!

Read on...

<Dutch & Such Verse mode on>

On Justice...

Days like these (or maybe this)
A mood of courage fills your head
In court's a brief you must not miss
With moot points which must all be read

So swear your oath, and give your aid
Give voice to stem the lawless tide
Neat truth will not go unpaid
Use spite and you'll regret you lied

<Dutch & Such Verse mode paused...>

Just in case you haven't figured it out: the words in green are Dutch words, written with English phonetics, and those in blue are their translation.
e.g.  Court = Kort (trans: brief, short);  Spite = Spijt (trans: regret).
(You must, of course, allow for a little artistic license).

<...Dutch & Such Verse mode resumed>

On Sport...

Don't doze, box -- but without gloves.
v. who, who knows? And who knows how?
But how to hold? As with two loves?
If the iron's hot, you must strike now!

In fast Cars, you'll be the big cheese
So drive right, and become a master
Lead the pack, they'll sing your praise
Fly from the ramp without disaster

On Food...

One flays the meat to make a meal
To eat cow cold, you may defer
You ain't got duck? Come round for veal
And ewe is always yours, Sir.

Jabbing steak, on meat pie day
Use your muscles; never spear
A good sharp knife; no mess that way
Make sure you've got some kidneys near

<Dutch & Such Verse mode off>

Let me know if you want to see more Dutch & Such Verse in the future.  It's got the makings of a half decent learning aid; and there is an awful lot of words that I haven't used, yet!

Moving off-subject a little (and God knows I never do that!):  I've been told that this column is like the intelligent man's Undutchables.
That book has been mentioned to me before, and I've had a quick look at the first few paragraphs, but I don't think that there's too much of a comparison.  I suppose I'll have to buy a copy of it, anyway; to check out whether it really does offer me any competition.
*sigh*

Don't miss next week's exciting episode....