The Story So Far:
Rocketed from the planet Kapok by his parents Yarn-El and Sisal as an infant, moments before the planet's gravitational field unravelled, our hero was taken in by Ma and Pa Hemp, in Piddlington, Kansas.
Unfortunately, Ma and Pa Hemp were ignorant, maleducated, homozygotic hicks who abused their adoptive stringlet, by using him as part of a plough harness, and forcing him to perform tow jobs.
When the good people in the area learned what was happening, the Hemps were run out of town, having to change their names, and eventually settling in Canada, where they adopted another foundling, whom they named Katie.  The new foundling liked the abusive treatment, so they lived happily ever after – blissfully unaware that there is far more in Heaven and Earth than dreamt of in their tiny, perverted minds.
Our hero knew nothing of his true origins until after his eleventh birthday, when embarrassing fluff started to sprout on his body.
His mother, Sis-al, came to him in a dream, one night, telling him that his future lay far from Kansas.  She also revealed to him the location of the Spoolship which had carried him to Earth.
He used the Spoolship to run away from the orphanage, heading for the coast.
Sadly, eleven-year-olds make lousy drivers, let alone Spoolship pilots, and he crashed the ship into a bay.
He was alone, sodden, hungry, destitute, and beginning to turn threadbare, when he was found by the lonely wife of a seafaring lanyard, who took him in and treated him as her own.
It was the solid background of her kindness, sacrifice, and true Girl Power that gave him fortitude in his quest to rid the world of plasticized pop-stars.

His epic saga continues...

 
Thread 16

"Oh, my God!"  gasped Melanie, leaning far over the hole in the stage.  "Emma!  Are you all right?"
"Duh!"  Emma replied, from within the Iron Maiden.
"Good Grief!"  The stage manager joined them.  "That Iron Maiden's been down there at least three years!  It's a miracle that the spring-loaded blades still work!  Your friend could have been skewered!"
Emma managed to kick open the Iron Maiden, and started to struggle out of it.
Just then, a piece of string fell from high above the stage; landing on the back of Mel's neck.
She jumped, startled, nudging Melanie, who almost fell into the hole.
Melanie grabbed wildly at the air, to stop from falling, desperately grasping and yanking Mel's arm...
... And Mel tumbled through the hole!
She landed on the remains of the missile's self-destruct mechanism, which finally completed its task of destroying the missile, by exploding itself with a massive 'BANG!' (in Chinese).
The lid of the Iron Maiden snapped shut again, as Mel was vaporised by the blast.
All that remained of her was her head, which shot back up through the hole, hovered at the zenith of its arc for a long second, then fell back down into the basement – landing with a heavy thud on Emma's head, as she tried for a second time to emerge from the failed magician's prop.
"OW!"  Yelped Emma.  "That bleeding Hurt!  Stop pissing about, Mel!  You could have done me some real damage, here!"
She tossed the head back up through the hole.
Melanie caught it – and immediately threw up on it and dropped it again, where it knocked the door of the Iron Maiden shut on Emma yet again!
"Will someone please bring me some blankets and a pillow?"  shouted Emma.  "I might as well get fucking comfortable!"

 
Thread 17

"What choo do?"  Mario demanded.  "You bring me the second-rate shit!"
"Second-rate?"  Mario replied.  "This da best shit money can buy!"
"Hey!"  growled Mario.  "If da boss say it second-rate shit, then it second-rate shit!  em>Capice?"
Mario turned to face the heavy.
"Ok, Ok!"  he stammered.  "If you say so!  Mario, tell you guy we all friends, here."
"It's a'right, Mario,"  Mario told Mario.  "Mario he unnerstand we don't buy no second-rate shit from him.  Ain't it so, Mario?"
"Sure, Mario, sure!  You da boss!  What you want I should do with this second-rate shit they give me to give you?"
"Hey, I don't like what I buy from Macy's, I take back."
Mario gulped, audibly.
"You say you want I should take second-rate shit back?"
"Well, I don't like no second-rate shit, so second-rate shit gotta go back!"
"But, Mario..."  Mario protested,  "... I risk my ass to get shit through customs!  You say I gotta risk my ass again, taking shit back?"
Mario laid his hand on Mario's shoulder, and bent to speak close to his ear.
"If boss say it gotta go back, then it gotta go back!  Capice?"
Mario aveva capito sure enough.
He picked up the two litres of pure LSD syrup, and shuffled from the office.

 

The Funeral of Melanie Heebiegeebie "I think we deserve a holiday!"  said Melanie, once what was left of the group got back to the hotel suite.  "It's been a terrible day!" She was working on tidying Mel's remain's hair with an industrial wire brush. "I don't know,"  Emma replied, from within the Iron Maiden.  "It's been quite a profitable one.  We've lost the snooty bitch and the mouthy cow, so there's more money for us!" "I dunno,"  Britney chimed.  "Can't Mel be put back together again?" "You ought to know.  You've had more plastic surgery than Barbie!"  Emma sneered.  "Hang on, while I 'phone all the King's bleeding horses!" "Shit man, I is does wants a holidayses, toosies,"  the Braindead One put in.  "We is does did done some workses three weeksies ago, and I tiredses." "Where shall we go, then?"  asked Melanie. She untangled a bloodstained piece of string from Mel's hair, then tossed the head into the wastebasket.  She tied the string around her wrist, like a friendship bracelet. "Um..."  said David.  "So, um, who am I... er ... shagging now?"

 
Thread 18

"This is a pain!"  Melanie complained.  "Why won't they let Emma ride in the cabin, with the rest of us?"
She nestled frumpily down into the airliner seat.
"Don't worry, Sugar,"  Britney told her.  "You can hold hands with me, if you get scared."
She massaged her implant down to her hand, so that Melanie could squeeze it.
"Um...  The, er, thing...  Um...  Iron Maiden thinghy..."  said David.
"Shit man, yeah,"  agreed the Braindead One.  "Is was too bigsies to fitses in the chairsies."
Yeah, but the baggage compartment?""  Melanie grouched.  "I mean, I know she's got a fat arse, and all; but making her fly all the way to Europe down there won't be any fun at all!"
The 'plane took off, and Melanie drifted off to sleep to the sounds of David asking the stewardesses if he was shagging them.

A Looooong time later...
Melanie awoke with a start.
They were still in the air; and it was too hot!
She reached up to open the cool air vent.
As she turned the nozzle, the friendship bracelet on her wrist snared on the knurled end of the actuator...
Then things happened Really quickly....

 
Continued....