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?:a Wallace gromit.
A special thank-you to David for the above.  I really, really needed to have to include punctuation marks in the dictionary.
Aadvark:a knife-wielding Mancunian vark.
Abbreviation:what a cockney uses 'is lungs for.
Abduct:minor pipe in one's midriff.
Abroad:it's a woman, innit.
Acne:Scottish form of negation.
Additive:tendency to overuse it.
Address:female viper.
Adduct:minor pipe in a plumbing system.
Adjudant (n):an insect in the legal profession.
Admiral:isn't Alexander a nice chap!
Adumbrate:cost of replying to spam.
Advancement (n):1. a proposal to suggest using a vehicle to deliver a concrete company's promotional flyers  2. adhesive used for attaching promotional material to vehicles.
Adversary:lyrics to a commercial.
Adverse (n):1. a rhyming advertisement.  2. to increase the length of a poem by one stanza.
Advert:partially colour-blind.
Affect (v):effect an effect.
After Life:insurance policy collected by one's heirs.
After-Dinner Mint:crucifixion tree.
Aftershock:a smack on the head.
Agitator:communist propaganda written on a spud.
Algorithm(v):1. encourage others to record their drum strokes for posterity.  2. a method of deciding whose turn it is to be drummer.  3. A kind of musical beat characterised by the runners-up in American presidential elections.
Alp:a shouted request for assistance while skiing.
Alphabet:the most bossy horse in a race.
Alpine:the type of forest you might find here in my part of BCland (the alcedar kind is up the coast a ways).
Alternative:missionary work.
Altophobia:fear of clarinets.
Amenditty (thinghy):a song about sewing.
Amenity:1. the welcome end of a long church service.  2. a convenient way for a Yorkshireman to declare seriousness of intent.
Ammeter (n):device to tell you if it's morning.
Ampifier:slightlty dodgy electric current.
Anarchist:one who favours vaulted door openings.
Andean:one of a pair.
Annoy (n):uttered by an annoyed Hasid.
Annoyance (n):1. the action of reaching to switch on the kettle and then changing your mind at the last second.  2. The real reason for which the picnic table was invented.
Anode:Oh, go on, guess
Anorka (n):A large, swimming-type whatsit.
Antarctic (n):a very cold insect.
Antedate (n):an insect who has used on-line dating.
Antepenult:a penult who is plagiarised by another penult
Antichrist:the religious founder of insects.
Anticlimactic (n):an insect for whom the earth has just moved.
Anticlimax (n):Vatican roulette.
Antidepressant (n):a resolutely cheerful insect.
Antigone:your father's sister has left the building.
Antipasti:insect-filled ravioli.
Antipodean (n):a lethal insect.
Antipodean (n):the type of insect that carries an MP3 player.
Antiquay:a structure which all physicists and sailors know repels boats and ships, dictionaries and apihna habitues.
Antiquayty:the opposite of a quay.
Antonym (n):an insect adopting an Irish surname.
Antrum (n):an insect's drink.
Apihna:Cockney inquiry after one's welfare.
Apihnanated:to extol the virtues of correct grammar and punctuation.
Apostrope (n):The piece of cord that Judas Iscariot used to hang himself.
Apostrophe (n):Prize awarded to those who lose their faith.  ~s: loving cups bestowed by the Association for the Prevention of Osculation
Apotrophised:made a winner's cup out of an old flowerpot.
Approximate (n):someone you hire to service your partner while you're away on a business trip.
Arbitrate:1. (v) : to decide on the best Internet connection speed for Devon.  2. (n) what we get paid for not playing the starring role in a movie.
Arbitrator:a cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Arbitrator:a cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
Archive (n):where Noah stored his bees.
Areola (n):A desirable type of greeting when outdoors in Spain.
Arkansas:what Noah used to make his boat.
Arrangement:a brief recovery in progressive dementia.
Ash:1. a truncated sneeze.  2. a bottom, as far as Sean Connery is concerned.
Asp:a donkey with a speech defect.
Aspen (adj):abreast of things.
Asseverate (v):to sign a letter with a friendly complimentary closing.
Assonance:kill time (US).
Atone:sound of a pitchfork.
Austria:back-end of large, non-flying bird.
Autograph:route map.
Automata:involuntary exclamation on seeing a vegetable.
Automobile (n):1. a self-propelling hanging decorative scuplture  2. crowd dynamics.
Automotive (n):the habit of acting before you think.
Avoidable:what a bullfighter tries to do.
Avoidable:what a bullfighter tries to do.
B:1. A  2. ontological imperative (2nd p. sing.).
Bad News:news.
Bad-moth (n):acherontia atropos
Baguette (n):small hand-carried container.
Ballpeen (n):The wrong appendage.
Baloney:where some hemlines fall.
Baloney:where some hemlines fall.
Banana:degree in Newfoundland child care.
Bandolier (n):1. Robbie Robertson looking at an attractive woman  2. an Irish production of Shakespeare, closed by the censor.
Bank:a mammonary gland.
Barbecue (n):a waiting line of anatomically improbable dolls.
Barfly (adv):1. in a regurgitative manner.  2. (v/n) to regurgitate while/whilst telling an untruth.
Barometer (n):device for detecting the presence of unemployed arts graduates
Barrage:1. when little girls are given tutus  2.(n) law school party  3. the legal union of two cold-sufferers  4. (n) dry-roasted peanuts, when a friendly discussion in the pub becomes heated
Bassetlaw:just rewards.
Basturd:piscine feces.
Batik:echo location.
Beatitude:posture assumed by a counterculture poet before addressing the Happening.
Beijing:gradually changing colour to light brown.
Bellicose:1. the aggressive feeling one gets when one is knocked out by a campanologist.  2. an abdomen warmer.
Bernadette:the act of torching a mortgage.
Bestiality:selecting the finest of everything.
Bestiality:selecting the finest of everything.
Bi-homophonic (n):A person who has intimate relations with monaural microphones of either sex.
Bichon Frise:unpleasant woman encased in ice.
Bigamist:an Italian fog
Bignalistics (n):the mathematical study of alcoholic liquid measures.
Bignall (v):to make grand gesticulations signifying nothing.
Binding:the satisfying sound made by junk mail.
Binomial:what protesters chant outside McDonalds.
Bishop:second-hand stall.
Black runs:what you get from those little nibbles at apres ski parties.
Blatant:insect squashed in a Batman & Robin style.
Bondage (n):1. An abundance of 007 literature.  2. the marks in one's diary that count down the days to the pay-out date of one's investments
Borage (n):the art of sending people to sleep by talking at them.
Border Collie:vegetable less inspired
Boston:weight of managerial directive.
Brandy:given to wearing clothes with prominent designer labels.
Bream:a shining ray of light.
Briard:an ancient French cheese.
Broad-minded (adj):all the chaps round here.
Broadband:a female orchestra.
Broadcast:a fishing programme for women.
Broadcloth:the material covering a broadside.
Broadsheet (n):bodily function performed by an Italian-American female.
Broadway:a mystery.
Brown:the last in a series of n brows.
Brows:1. to forage for E's  2. Freeserve Anytime's damn two-hour cutoff again.
Buggery:an unhealthy interest in cockroaches.
Bummalo:a small boat propelled by the power of the buttocks.
Burglarize:what a crook sees with.
Button:The standard unit of mass for sumo wrestlers' derrieres.
By-laws:legislation that makes it okay to get away from the wife's mother.
CAPS LOCK:a button which selects a rugby player for an international match.
Cabinet:device for capturing a taxi driver.
Cannibal:tinned peanuts.
Cannon:ex-clergyman (he was fired)
Cantaloupe:1. the reason melons don't run away to get married  2. a whiny magnifying glass.
Cantata:Spuds inna tin.
Carbolics (n):1. A person euphemistically making an awful mess of buying a used automobile.  2. A person addicted to charcoal-based stomach remedies.
Carpathian:a fish without god.
Castration (n):a pie and a pint at lunchtime for the stand-ins.
Catastrophe:1. possessive it's.  2. degeneration of feline buttocks.  3. The result of stuffing your moggy and mounting its head on the wall of your den.
Catceleration:the motion of a feline in response to the sound of a can being opened.
Cathode:a poem about Katherine.
Celibate:the inability to reproduce such a salad.
Chair lift:what Thora Hird advertised. (Yes, yes: Churchill, not Stannah....)
Chalcedony (n):obsession with the fate of a Stuart monarch, as suffered by Mr Dick in Dickens' _David Copperfield_.
Chaplain (n):1. black tea served at the vicarage  2. a bloke after intercourse.
Chapminded:the abrasions obtained from too much broad thinking.
Character:Robert de Niro.
Chastenographer:1. a virginal typist.  2. (v) reprimand one who takes dictation.
Check out:1. to cover with squares.  2. to see if it's raining.  3. to stop Willy Out from scoring a try.
Chihuahua:very subtle sound effect on electric guitar.
China (n):country that tried being Greek-letter-shaped but decided it wasn't suited to it.
Chow Chow:Italian for "bye bye"
Chrished:obtaomed by panhandling at aorports?
Chronology:same thing as Horology, but without the teeth.
Circumcision:the removal of a nobleman (see Countdown, Deduction, Discount, Regicide).
Claw:1. a rule concerning scraping through exams  2. the law of averages.
Clog:a reasonable report.
Closet socialist (n):a friendly person who likes company while on the crapper.
Coaxial cable (n):a tube through which the sound of a frog's croak is transmitted.
Cocker Spaniel:specific form of bestiality.
Cocotte:a warm fizzy drink.
Col:see ALP.
Coleslaw:regulation of fossil fuel.
Colonnade (n):a fizzy enema.
Colorado:what the decorator does when painting a room for a party.
Combat:an aggressive marsupial.
Commentator (n):an Idaho spud.
Commingling (n):The sound made by one of those bells on a shop door as somebody enters.
Competence:pre-event stress.
Complementary Pair:My, you have such nice its!
Concoct:1. a prisoner gone wrong  2. An eight-nosed prisoner.
Concomitant (n):1. member of a jail's ruling clique  2. the prisoner has family in the French Socialist Party.
Concorde:1. an airplane built with prison labor  2. a rope (perhaps of sheets, escape, for the purpose of).
Concupiscence:supplying every prisoner with a urine-sample collector.
Concur: To agree to a scheme to defraud a dog.
Concurrent:power for electric chair.
Condign:prisoners eating appropriate food.
Condolence:1. so sad your guy is in the slammer  2. to lay about a prison cell.
Condom (n):1.Prisoner's head protector  2.Toughest prisoner on the cell-block  3. a sexual pastime of perverted prison guards.
Conduct (n):a ventilation tunnel, tube, or pipe at a prison.
Conductor:a prison inmate who installs/repairs heating vents.
Conflagration:a limit placed on the number of pennants allowed per convict.
Conflict:a prisoner caught by a gendarme.
Confucius:flowers grown by a prisoner.
Confused:death-row prisoner the second after the switch is thrown.
Confusion:1. a prison riot  2. (n) nuclear physics experiments conducted (sic) by criminals
Connecticut:after I slice the end of my finger off.
Connive:prisoner's eating implement
Consanguinity (n):state of a prisoner's blood-doning capability.
Conscience (thingy):1. The principles used by the successful grifter.  2. The advantages of using a systematic study of the nature and behaviour of the material and physical universe.
Conscript:a begging letter.
Consequence:a chain gang.
Conservatory:Jeffrey Archer's ISP.
Conserve:a prisoner's ISP.
Conserving:doling out slop to prisoners.
Consider:to spend years repenting one's crime.
Considerable:criminal's unruly entourage.
Consign:mask, striped jersey, bag marked "SWAG".
Conspicuous (thinghy):a racial slur directed at a prison inmate.
Constable:in prisons, what a lot of the inmates gather around.
Constitution:prison rules
Construe:1. Queen's (State's) evidence  2. to litter the ground with prisoners.
Contact:not mentioning to a fellow prisoner that he has spinach on his teeth.
Contango:a dance to the Music of Time.
Contemplate:1. produce identi-kit picture of how you think a crook looks  2. overtime at the Scrubs Secretarial Agency.
Contempt:worked for the Scrubs Secretarial Agency.
Contingent:Ned Kelly
Contrapuntal:Guerrilla river crossing.
Control:a short, ugly inmate.
Controlling:sending provocative articles to prison newsgroups.
Controvesially:in a manner that is against containers.
Contusion:injury sustained in a prison riot.
Conundrum (n):the mystery of how Sister Joan and Sister Esther got to be so good at playing the bongos.
Conurbation:filling the country with crooks.
Convalescence:a stay in the prison hospital.
Convenience:the toilet in a prison cell.
Converse (n):1. a fraudulent adverse  2. to feel a strong like or inclination  3. poetry written for the prison newspaper  4. Weller and iller prisoner.
Conversion:1. becoming a completely different kind of crook  2. the identifying number assigned to a release of pirated software  3. a strong like or inclination.
Conviction:guilty verdict.
Coontent (n):a temporary canvas structure in which raccoons live.
Copies:police cadets.
Copulative verb (n.phr):a verb that will almost always fuck your first attempts at learning grammatical object and subject.
Corollary:a Toyota dealership.
Countdown:the removal of a certain nobleman (see Circumcision, Deduction, Discount, Regicide).
Countercultural (n):an agent which inhibits the growth of bacteria.
Counterfeiters:workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowboy:a bovine with a gender issue discrepancy.
Coyote (adjectival-thingy):a shy grain.
Cranial:displaying the traits of a master criminal.
Crap:street shanties.
Crash:a skin disease caused by exposure to 5 GHz microwaves.
Craveat Emptor:buyer of the necktie (e.g. of the gods).
Creating:despising native Americans.
Creche:a car accident in Knightsbridge.
Cricket (n):a game in which most of the matches seem to be tests, but no team is good enough to pass, as they have to play more test matches the following season.
Croissant:something to rest your coffee on.
Cross product:An angry jar of Marmite (tm).
Cross-dresser (n):1. someone who is attempting to don clothes that don't fit.  2. Roman who makes scarecrows.
Crosspost:a flame.
Crossposted:1. submitted to a newsgroup while the writer was feeling angry and irritable  2. a guy named Theodore who does the above.
Crossword Puzzle:Damn! How did that happen?
Crossword:1. Damn!  2. Crossword: green.  3. Crossword: lama.
Cryptorchid:place to hide one's flowers before the vasectomist arrives.
Cunnilingus:a clever Irish feller.
Cunnilingus:a clever Irish feller.
Curvette (thinghy):a small arc.
Dactyl (n):prehistoric bird's arse.
Dallas:what a Jamaican calls his daughter.
Dandelion (n):a large, trendy feline-about-town.
Deacon:unrecidivise a prisoner.
Death:to remove an ath (cf. Michael Erstone).
Debar:a room in an Irish pub.
Debark:the noise of an Irish dog.
Debit:the small part of something in Ireland.
Debriefs:an Irish pair of pants.
Debris (n):ceremonial reattachment of foreskin.
Debugger:an unpleasant Irishman.
Deceased:1. reanimated; a reanimated corpse, one risen from the dead, a vampire.  2. a double negative meaning to carry on with what you were doing.
Decelerated:the way I prefer salad.
Decellarate:fetch the wine.
Decide:to become impartial.
Decrease:whatta the Italian has upa de front ofa hees besta pants.
Deduction:the removal of another nobleman (see Circumcision, Countdown, Discount, Regicide).
Defenestrate (vt):1. the act of installing linux.  2. the act of abolishing all Intel-designed-CPU boxes, for example as has always been the situation at the Kent-based establishment known as "Château John".
Define:to withdraw a demand for monetary compensation for illegal activities.
Delicatessen (n):1. an easily breakable purveyor of cured and smoked meats  2. where Germans go to eat curried felines.
Delight:to extinguish a candle.
Demand:to have had a sex change, from male to female.
Demise:to make a rich person very generous.
Denislaw:a law of nature by which one's downfall is brought about by a once-favoured son.
Denominator:person who proposes a candidate for election.
Dependant (n):small social insect with strong swimming skills.
Dervish (adj; probably mainly Leftpondian):rather like diesel oil.
Descend (vi):to reach down to the floor in order to pick up a pen that has rolled off the edge of your table
Describe:deprive a king of his historian.
Deserve:to remove all food and cutlery from a table.
Desisted:state of having one's female sibling run off with the milkman.
Desive:what de dyslexic Yankee carpenter uses to hold de wood for sawing.
Device:1. what de carpenter uses to hold de wood for sawing  2. how the carpenter releases wood, once sawn.
Devise:what de Yankee carpenter uses to hold de wood for sawing.
Devolution (n):the process by which the Alphabet People decided on their own that the letter "d" should lose some of its curliness when made upper-case.
Diagnosis (n):failure to understand what's wrong with the patient, despite a second medical opinion. {ety: di- *two* + a- *not, negation* + gnosis *knowledge*}
Diagnostic (n arch.):1. a test to support a claim that the accused ought to be burnt for heresy.  2. a person uncertain of the answer to two questions.  3. a repetitive muscle spasm caused by the suspense of waiting to hear what the doctor says.  4. a crossword puzzle with no horizontal and/or vertical clues.
Diarrhoea (US diarrhea):pelling invented by teachers to catch out kids who forge sick notes.
Dicey die (n):rather posh barn dance move.
Dichotomy:the cradle of the Welsh.
Dictionary:the circumstance that arises when Richard ignores Harold.
Diktat:kitsch accessories sold by a sex shop.
Dilator:an expanding spud.
Dilute (n):Welsh player of an old stringed instrument.
Diode:a famous Welsh poet.
Dipsomane:one obsessed by sewing at the beach.
Dipthongs:footwear commonly found at the beach.
Diptongs:implements for removing big toes from scalding batwater.
Direction:Dodi's last stand.
Disappear:a Dutch fisherman's answer to the question.
Disclose:1. to put a CD on a cluttered desk and then be unable to find it later when it's needed.  2. Just how near you can get to a wiseguy before you're in trouble.  3. Singular form of "dese clothes".  4. Term to describe the attire of a deceased member of the British Royal Family.  5. the final thoughts of Dodi Al-Fayed.  6. What happened on the Boulevard Peripherique in Paris on August 31, 1997.
Discombobulation:1. The joy Robert feels as he donates sperm.  2. a howl brought on by an explosion in a 70s nightclub.  3. the cry of joy emitted by one who successfully purchases only one part of a package deal.
Discontent (n):1. A DJ's box of records etc..  2. not what's recorded on a Digital Audio Tape  3. a glum dance party held under canvas  4 (v) to fire one's writers, or to slag off their writing  5. how frisbee enthusiasts gently - but hilariously - rouse sleeping campers early on Sunday mornings  6. empty  7. Loud music and dancing at the campsite  8. opposite of datcontent.
Discount:the removal of yet another nobleman (see Circumcision, Countdown, Regicide).
Discrepancy:gainful employment in the computer mass storage industry.
Discrete (v):1. to bad-mouth Greek islands  2. proprietary brand cement remover.
Discuss (n phrase):1. this swear word, right here, Pal. Anyone got a problem widdat?  2. (v) stop swearing.
Disintegration:failing a Maths exam.
Dismay (v):o bad-mouth months of the year
Dismember (v):to bad-moth people belonging to a group, club, or organisation
Disourse (n):not the same as dat 'orse over dere.
Dispell:Princess Orthography.
Dispicable:the inability to remove fruit from its plant or tree.
Distress (v):the occupation of a barber.
Diverse (n):Poetry about the late Princess of Wales  2. a famous Welsh poet.
Dogma:1. Korean variation on mild creamy curry dish 2. not just enigma.
Dominatrix:A woman who cheats at dominos.
Don Quixote:a pretentious ass.
Dot product:Something you ordered, but didn't receive, from a company.
Doughnut:a donut filled with something disgusting.
Dr.:abbreviation for Dirty raincoat.
Duty:a well-earned drink.
Dystrophy:your 'orses 'ead stuffed and mounted on my wall.
Earlier:more royal than a sir.
Ebarass (n):online nudity
Ebony:a skeletal web-site.
Ecritoire:European author of French farces.
Effect (n):common Google misspelling of 'eff etc.' which means "here follows all the swearwords you know, and some you don't. Use your imagination." See also: Ineffable.
Einstein (person):The German chap who got a reputation for buying only the first beer.
Elided:he was firsted  2. he did not told the truth.
Elm:'ow a wooden ship is steered.
Emacs:long raincoat worn by dirty old men when surfing the internet.
Emblematic:trademarked machine that makes bumper stickers.
Emoticon (n):tearful prisoner.
Encyclopedia (n):1. commemorative sign in a public loo, recording where Nicholas Syke left a puddle on the floor.  2 (n):disease affecting feet of wannabe Tour de France entrants.
Endorse:1. ass.  2. equine rear end.  3. half a pantomime horse.
Endoscope:1. an Italian suppository.  2. out of mouthwash (Can/USA)  3. the maximum extension of a spyglass.
Endothermal:electrically heated knickers.
Endow (vt):to give genital herpes to a man
Enpsalmble:a musical group that plays only religious material.
Entry:a portal for walking, talking trees.
Eor (v):to pooh-pooh the options.
Erase (vi):1. to level a website to the ground.  2. to install emacs.
Ericsson:Mac and Katie Kissoon's adopted dog (for tax purposes).
Escape:1. Superman's top.  2. full screen graphic.
Etymological (n):Jamaican with more sensible eating habits.
Euri (doodah):a bender of spoons.
European:something worn by a clog, obviously (see Saboteurs).
Evelyn Wood:malicious tree sprites.
Evolution:the curliness of the letter "e" in lower-case format.
Exam:a has-been.
Examination:1. a country or state which formerly doubted its existence  2. a former dyslexic cartoon.
Examiner:used to work down t'pit.
Example:a successful slimmer.
Exchange:pre-decimal British currency.
Exchequer:outdated spelling checker.
Excited:previously, but not now, quoted.
Excrete:used to live on a Greek island.
Excursive:repentant user of profane oaths.
Execration (n):downsizing.
Execute:a good-lookin' bird wot used to be a bloke, innit?
Exert:used not to be inert.
Exhausted:retired from the bar.
Existential Quantifier:an angsty accountant.
Exoscope:formerly an Irish 'scope.
Expat (n):an emigrated Irishman.
Expectorated Value:the number of times, expressed as an average, that a baseball player spits during a plate appearance.
Explain (n):one who has undergone successful cosmetic surgery.
Express:1. former foundry machine  2. former worker in a dry-cleaning establishment.
Extern:a dead sea-bird.
Extol:The amount you have to pay upon leaving a country.
Extraction:additional time on the sports field.
Extravaganza:for when only one vaganza isn't enough (See: Vaganza).
Exult:a dead ult.
Eyedropper:a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Faculty (n scots):a vanishingly small quantity of a brewed drink. "Woman! There's faculty left in the pot!".
Fanatic (noun) :1. a person who chooses not to install his/her air- conditioning in the basement, and violently defends the decision.  2. (South African) spelling words the way they sound.
Far (n):[in RP] just; a carnival, esp. one with mechanical rides.
Farthingale:small beer giving rise to the expression: "drunk for a penny; dead drunk for twopence".
Fate (n):Wot will 'appen after alotta feats.
Feat (n):When I does alotta finking.
Fees (n):The stuff wot I 'ave 'ere.
Felately:1. getting your post in  2. having recently tripped.
Fell swoop:hang-gliding manoeuvre.
Fellatio:the proportion of women who trip over during oral sex.
Fellatrix:the way she keeps him amused.
Fem (n):Stuff wot you got there.
Feminine:a girls' baseball team.
Ferros:1. The disk operating system of the Iron Age.  2. not for them.
Fetish (adj):resembling Greek goat's-milk cheese.
Fey (n):them wot is never singular, or else (see fret).
Fido:ancient Greek plasticine.
Fight (v):Wot I does when I'm not finking.
Final resolution:a decision to accept the answer that appeared most frequently when resolving several times.
Fink (v):Wot I does when I ain't doin' nuffink else.
Flagrant lie:what Japanese golfers get after they hook into the cherry trees.
Flatulence (n):1. What you feel on downsizing from a house to an apartment.  2. A vehicle to take you to hospital after being run down by a steamroller.
Flaw:a rule forbidding exam failure.
Fleming:posting insults on
Flesh (adj):what a Japanese feels like after using their deodolant.
Fletcher (v):to bring, as in, "Fletcher meah ice-cleem."
Flip-flop:political logic.
Flyer (n):a Japanese appliance for cooking potato chips.
Flynnery (v):to behave grumpily in newsgroups.
Followup:what you might, under suitable circumstances, do [to] a poster who was not crossposting, if said poster were of an appropriate gender.
Followup:what you might, under suitable circumstances, do [to] a poster who was not crossposting, if said poster were of an appropriate gender.
Forsake (vt):1. give up one's favourite geisha in order to have money for one's favourite alcoholic drink.  2. exclamation of disgust, expletive deleted.
Fortnight:1. a lazy or cowardly cavalier.  2. a cockney response to an unexpected eclipse.  3. The duration of said eclipse.
Forwhich (n):a sandwich with double the normal amount of bread in it
Fought (v):Wot I did yesterday when I wasn't doin' nuffink else.
Fragrant:characteristic odour of a homeless person.
Francophile:dossier on a Spanish dictator.
Frank Zappa (n):a microwave oven.
Freelance:1. treatment of a boil on the national NHS service.  2. campaign slogan of the "Stop Using Chimpanzees in Children's Shows" campaign.
Fret (n):'ow I try to convert fem to fees.
Frisket:a strange feeling.
Frisky:state of excitement experienced mostly at airports.
Full Point:what an Irishman gets in a pub, or else!
Fump (n):'ow vem become vees (if frets dunt work).
Furrow (n):a line of mink coats.



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