Sabotage:to throw shoes at the enemy.
Sabotaged (wotsit):a very old clog.
Saboteurs:a Robot Wars team from Johannesburg  2. clog wearing Europeans (see: European).
Sagacity:1. Odin's birthplace  2. the capital of India's spinach growing region.
Samdalwood:the sexual stimulation arising from smiting statues of a deposed leader with one's footwear.
Santa Fe:The method by which Santa knows who's been naughty and who's been nice.
Sargasm:that which precedes "I'll have what she's having."
Sauvage:a particularly vicious kind of pork product.
Scheming:Simian downhill racer.
School run:brat race.
Scofflaw:a regulation prohibiting piggish eating.
Scrotable:suitable for carrying in a small sac(k).
Scrutator:a spud d'amour.
Sealed Privy:tasteless practical joke.
Second serve:RedHotAnt (the bastards)
Seismometer (n):a device by which USians measure their mothers.
Self-abuse:Fuck off, Will.
Self-desire:to kill one's own father.
Self-effacement:to justly humble oneself by sticking a four-letter word to one's forehead.
Self:autistic pixie.
Selfish:what the owner of a seafood store does.
Selinity (n):1. what happens to an old dylsexic.  2. (n)What a Japanese feels after meditating.
Semantics (n):se small insects infesting se humans.
Servant (n):A small ISP.
Server (n):The hemming and hawing you must do to get your ISP's attention.
Service (n):1. the tone of a response to a complaint to your ISP.  2. the reception such an ISP receives.  3. arctic ISP  4. a pornography server.  5. a gripping tale of the Middle Ages.
Servicing:a low-class cake topping.
Serviette:1, a very small ISP.  2. a Russian ISP.  3. the national ISP of Lichtenstein
Servile:1. pertaining to an ISP whose usenet facility keeps one off apihna for two months.  2. (see second serve)
Servitude:1. eating the free CDs given out by ISPs.  2. what leads a waitress to sneer at you as she brings your drink.  3. my edible ISP.
Settee:that which is indicated by a setter.
Sever:farewell to arms (the hemming way).
Sewage (n):the time of life when the kids can start earning their keep by making teatowels.
Sex:what you keep your coal in in Knightsbridge.
Sexton:a very obese, yet erotically attractive, church caretaker.
Shaker's Pear (thingy):a simple piece of wooden folk art.
Shameless Plug (n phr.):when one sits at the wrong end of the bathtub.
Shampoo:novelty imitation dog faeces.
Shay:let's do it in the barn.
Sheikh's peer (thingy):another sheikh.
Shelf Life:insurance policy for the unmarried.
Shittah:not an upshtanding pershon.
Shovel:to push over a Spaniard.
Shrink:where librarians skate.
Shunt:o avoid he use of a cerain leer in one's wriing.
Siberian Husky:permafrog.
Silence:the sound of being buried in an agricultural storage container.
Silly:the lesser spotted eavesdropper.
Sine of the Times:contemporary newspaper's opposite over hypotenuse.
Singleton:2000 pounds (US)
Skilled:death by snakebite.
Slag:to engage in sexual intercourse with the byproducts of steel manufacture.
Slalom:greetings from an Arab with a speech-impediment.
Smee:s'not him.
Smratass:Russian for "death to donkeys"
Smugasbroad:Scandinavian female superiority.
Snack:tinned David. (reproduced by kind permission of cannibal@lunch).
Snee (wotsit):abortive sneeze.
Sneer (n):1. one who snees  2. one who snes.
Snowman's Land:a stretch of sidewalk between two businesses, which either takes responsibility for shoveling.
Sobriquet:1. another name for those charcoal things you can buy from filling stations and are used, e.g., on barbecues  2. a teetotaling feline.
Sociological:an attempt to create a science out of vague guesses.
Sodality:a club for teetotallers.
Sodomite:a lawn pest.
Sodomy:serial turfing.
Solipsist (n):Mouth fetishist.
Somersault (n):an acrobatic expression of joy upon discovering a wide and diverse array of food seasonings.
Sound:hunting dog with a speech defect.
Spade:horse-racing tipsters' guide.
Spaniel (n):loud javascript
Sparrow:line of convenience stores.
Specific:a certain part of a large ocean.
Spectator:a spud with sight problems
Spell-binding:the final task in the printing of a dictionary.
Sphincter:1. sister of an in-law.  2. an uptight, unmarried woman.  3. An old, unmarried Eqyptian lady.
Sphygmometer (n):device to tell you that your date is not genuine (do not see sphygmomanometer).
Spinglish:the language of politics.
Spokesman (n):someone employed to read press releases announcing how well your bike-riding is coming along.
Sporn (v):to mass advertise over the Internet for pornographic websites.
Sporozoans:Scotch crabs.
Sporozoans:Scotch crabs.
Stagnate:pretentious prenuptials.
Starling:child celebrity.
Started:a famous Edward.
Stealthoscope (n):instrument for listening to people as they creep up on you from behind.
Stereotypical:just the sort of hi-fi system you'd expect.
Sterling:a small dried cod, used as currency on some Pacific islands.
Stet (vt):o write the word "stet".
Still-Life:insurance policy for teetotallers.
Stir-fry:fishy equivalent of gaol-bird.
Stores:spots you can't get rid of.
Studant (n):badly disguised interloper.
Subdued:like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Subliminal message: A flier placed under one's door.
Subordinate Clause (n):a North Pole labourer who helps Santa at Christmas.
Subservant:(see second serve)
Substitute (n):a below-par call-girl who stands in when your regular isn't feeling too well.
Subversive (a):lousy poetry.
Sudafed:brought litigation against a US government official.
Suffer:little children.
Sufferance:putting up with having your hair washed.
Sufferings:new piercings.
Suffest (n):1. holiday appended to an existing holiday (e.g. Boxing day)  2. event held in Suffolk.
Suffrage:putting up with growing old.
Suffragette:putting up with air-sickness.
Suitable:a settee, two chairs and something to rest your coffee on.
Summer:an adder from a posh neighbourhood.
Sundries:1. spices used on tomato(e)s when used as pizza topping: "Large pizza with garlic and sundried tomato(e)s"  2. a not-very-astute observation concerning the dessicating power of the Earth's most local star.
Superego:Batman's conscious mind.
Supervise (v):1. to look after a woodwork class on the planet Krypton.  2. to undertake a legal action against a peeping tom paedophile.  3. this thing goes through an elephant's leg, man, I'm not kidding!
Supplicant (n):a contortionist insect.
Surcharge:The Knight of the Monetary Fee.
Surface:The Knight of the Kisser.
Surfeit:The Knight of the Walking Deed.
Surfing:the Knight of the Forgotten Name.
Surplice:The Knight of Politeness.
Surplus:The Knight of the Additives.
Suspense (wotsit):1-penny coin of uncertain provenance.
Sycophants:1. (adj) exhausted by small insects.  2. (n) Pachiderms that kill people in the shower.  3. (n) Sycophants : Trousers worn by Norman Bates.
Synergistic (n):a small insect which supplies energy for you to do wicked things.
Synergy (n):the amount of effort one is able to put into doing something you shouldn't.
Syntax (gangster slang):extortions associated with prostitution, gambling, &c.
Syria:even *more* rudicrous.
T-shirt:an informal dinner jacket.
Tailback:the opposite of forehead, but facing the other way
Taliban:prohibition on the publishing of casualty lists.
Tangent (n):1. chap who has just returned from a holiday in the sun  2. perfect tense of tangerine  3. well-bred man who spends too much time in the sun.
Tangerine:I can't believe it's not a garishly coloured butter substitute.
Tartarus:whoresale distributor.
Taxing (n):1. a musical get-together for small nails  2. alt.transport.cabs  3. .[Pres.Part.} finding it difficult to locate alt.transport.cabs
Teetotal: number of drive shots per round, including misses.
Telecast (n):a meeting to decide which actor will play the new Kojak in the Savalas Story (coming to a syndicated channel near you very soon....).
Telecommunications (n):conversations with Kojak.
Telegram (n):unit of weight used to measure the mass of a Kojak.
Telegraph (n):print out of Kojak's temperature when he is in hospital.
Teleport (n):1. the part of your computer where you plug in your TV-decoder card.  2. The harbour near Kojak's house.
Television:a nude picture of Savalas.
Temp:one whom one grabs a quick kiss with, and whom one fires if she complains.
Temper:short reminder.
Temperamental:plastered and nuts.
Tempered:on the wagon.
Tempest:1. a brief annoyance  2. a computer bug  3. short but sweet.
Tempestuous (adj):that temp whom you've kissed pestering you for that rise (and a fur coat, diamonds and a gold band....)
Temporal:a quick kiss.
Temporary:somewhere it's a long way to, but it won't be when the roadworks are finished.
Temptation:you want fries with that?
Tempting:ringing a bell to 'come and get it'.
Temptress (n):1. a female secretary who wears her hair in an almost irresistable fashion.  2. a wig.  3. a love-'em-and-leave-'em kinda gal.  4a long locked hairpiece, esp. one worn by a temp.
Terrier:more loopy.
Testament:DNA sequencing to determine whether an organism is a tall, tree-like biped.
Testicle (n):A short, multiple-choice examination where the candidate has to choose the correct answer from the set [0,1,2,7,19]
Testimony (n):1. evidence, esp. that given in a court case involving allegations of counterfeit currency.  2. sound made by a male suffering from pain in the genitalia.  3. statements made in an irate whining voice.  4. the method for determining the counterfeicy of currency.
Teuton:unit of measurement to define the United States' annual per capita consumption of gum.
Texas:nerd's rear end.
Thang:object for the fuller figure.
Theodore:1. a caped crusader.  2.member of the Spanish Inquisition armed with a sword.
Theory of Relativity (thingy):The belief that a family is a circle of vultures ... erm, love.  Yeah, that's it...  Love.
Thor:the Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.
Tic Tac Dough:the stuff from which they make the Tic Tacs.
Tinker:1. an unobtrusive fairy.  2. a metal dog.  3. Irish philosopher.
Titration (n):The amount of milk that a baby may consume at one visit.
Toilet:dinky car rental.
Tombescence (n):the state of being ready for nothing.
Tongue:member of Chinese Mafia.
Topeka:What happens when a Southern exotic dancer removes her blouse.
Topposting (adj):teletubby getting a rather nasty insect bite on the aerial.
Tornado:fuss about a rip in one's clothes.
Toxoplasma:a very poor LCD monitor.
Traitor:Arr, 'e's no spud!
Transam (n):afternoon.
Transfer (v):get the spell wrong and change everything into iron.
Transfix (v):gender-changing surgery.
Transistors:formerly brothers.
Translate:failing to arrive at the gender-changing surgery on time.
Transponder:tuby or not tuby?
Transport (erm):cross dressing football match.
Transuranic (adj):Neptune and Pluto.
Trochee (n):croquet played by giants, using trees and MacDonalds' signs.
Troll (n):a variety of crumpet.
Tudor Life:a Whitehall farce.
Turd (adj):the ordinal between second and fourth, in Ireland.
Tyrant:exercising a small insect to the point of exhaustion.
Unclean:1. tending to submit under duress.  2. huge effort made by the sibling of a parent.
Unclogged:the appearance of the saboteur.
Underwear (loc. adv.):beneath what?
Undeterred (n):nether skid mark
Ungrimmatical:lousy English, innit.
Uniquality:one caliber of performance fits all.
Universal Quantifier:St. Peter.
Universe (n):A short poem.
University (n):Like, loads of short poems in one place, man.
Us:Multiple Personality Order (see 'Is').
User-friendliness:The art of taking a perfectly good computer program, and dumbing it down enough for any brainless idiot to use.
'Ut (n):Cockney garden shed.
Vaganza:N. American TV western in which women played all the roles (See: Extravaganza).
Valiant (n):an insect that lives down by the river.
Vasectomy:removal of ones flower-holders (rather than ones flower removers).
Vegetarian:tall, blonde, sharp as a potato.
Verb (v.t.):[Ch. US] To turn a noun or adjective into a verb - eg. access, dialog(ue) ("The Yanks are always verbing their words, it really weirds our language.").
Vercingetorix:a man who had the Gaul to oppose the Roman Empire.
Verisimilitude:quite like the letter D
Versions (np):positive and negative pieces of poetry.
Vestment (n):the intention to have worn a vest; the expression of such an intention.
Via Appia:Transylvanian expression of increased contentment.
Viable Organ:suitable entrant for a church music contest.
Viagra:a drug which works on the hard valve.
Vibration (n):the maximum frequency of a hand-held vibrator.
Vicarage (thingy):1. here the chaplain keeps his automobile  2. a fiery sermon by the local parson  3. The Picture of Dorian Gray  4. where the hell is my vapour rub!?!
Vice versa (n):a poet of tools.
Vindication:act of hailing the wine waiter.
Vindscreen:strangulated cry issuing from a tornado.
Viper:it vipes the vindscreen.
Viscious:nasty but dense.
Vodka:Motoring Which (Russian edition).
Waitrose (thingummy):a slow-growing shrub or flower.
Waitrose (wotsit):1. what my doctor didn't like to see when he put me on the scales  2. sign that a diet should be started.
Wallace (n):skilled bricklayer.
Wallase (v):to behave in a trolling manner in newsgroups.
Wanton Capitalisation:soup in BEIJING
Wanton:2240 imperial pounds.
Washington:what happens after the machine has been broken for a month.
Watched:had the TV on while doing something else.
Website (n):The lady who had a spider inside her inside.
Weekend (n):what a man experiences when he has been out drinking all Friday and Saturday night.
Well-Modeled (adj):fashioned after a deep pit.
Westhamination:what Arsenal have done on a regular basis throughout history.
Whiskey:device used to unlock whisks.
Whisky:feeling elated, cf: 'I'm feeling a bit whisky today.'
Whored (n):materialistic possessions.
Wight-Out: 1. For the removal of unwanted spirits.  2. For the removal of unwanted islands in the British Isles.
Willett:condensed version of a last will and testament.
William:statement of being "of sound mind" etc in a last will and testament.
Windlass:a young lady who    CENSORED    
Window:an injury sustained during a hurricane.
With:gap-toothed humorist.
Womaniser (n):Virus which destroys X-chromosomes.
Wyoming:what your girlfriend asks when you unexpectedly announce a trip to see your parents.
X-men:the boys in the band.
Xenonphobia:the fear of a noble gas; see Neonphobia.
Xenophobia (n):fear of Greek philosophers.
Xeonphobia:a fear and hatred of Intel processors.
Xeroxphobia:a fear of photocopiers.
Xor:retired prostitute.
Xylophobia:a fear of wooden percussion instruments.
Yeastrochemistry:the science of *Marmite(tm)*.
Yugoslavia (n):1. a country you'll drool over!  2. the rampant desire for low-priced vehicular transport.
Zaire (n):a country shaped like a Spaniard's hearing organ.
Zambia:famous American Uncle's favo(u)rite tipple.
Zenophobia:fear of Buddhism.
Zero sum:Clear the accumulator.
Zettabytes:The reason you should never ask Zetta for a blowjob.
Zits (n):Unsightly its.
Zulu (n):animal's bathroom.
Zymurgy:The science of walking frames.




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